Graphic: Reality Catcher
Ever known someone who wanted help quitting pot? Me neither.
They might have an easier time finding unicorns.
The University of Washington says it is looking for people who want to quit pot.
The UW School of Social Work’s Innovative Programs Research Group is looking for 70 “marijuana-dependent adults” in the Puget Sound area to participate in a clinical research trial testing approaches for people who want to stop using cannabis, reports KING5.com.
The university says research has shown that nearly 3.6 million Americans use pot on a daily basis.
Unfortunately, UW then puts its reputation as a center of higher learning in serious danger by absurdly claiming that “between one-third and one-half of those are dependent.”
I’d love to know where the University of Washington got those numbers, but since they seem to have only the most tenuous of connections to shared reality, I’m guessing they’re from the “pull fake statistics out your ass” school of thought, sub-variety “I’ll say anything to get one of those fat government NIDA grants.”
“When people smoke marijuana they don’t intend to become dependent on it, but marijuana becomes pervasive over time,” said Cynthia Shaw, project director of what they’re calling the “Marijuana Counseling Project.”
“People work hard in treatment programs, and many stop or reduce their marijuana use while in treatment but lose ground quickly once they leave treatment,” said Shaw, who obviously has very little real-world experience with — or, apparently, even casual knowledge of! — marijuana.
What Shaw didn’t mention — and I’m sure it was just an “oversight,” umm hmm — was that nearly all those people in rehab programs “working so hard” to quit marijuana were forced into those programs under threat of being thrown in jail.
The judge says “Go to Narcotics Anonymous and tell them you’re a pot addict, or else go to jail.” Bingo! Instant marijuana addicts! Works like a charm.
In any event, the Marijuana Counseling Project will test two nine-session counseling “proven treatments” (is your bullshit detector going off? I know mine is going crazy), “a blend of motivational enhancement therapy and cognitive behavioral therapy.”
Participants will be offered additional counseling sessions “as needed,” and half will be randomly assigned to receive post-counseling “checkups,” which may well be a synonym for “piss tests.”
To be eligible, volunteers must be at least 18, “want help in stopping marijuana use,” and be willing to travel to Seattle’s University District for “counseling.”
Oh, and if you need a little additional “motivation” to claim you “want help in stopping marijuana use,” they’ll pay you to say so. Participants will receive $50 for each of two post-counseling interviews, and an additional $50 incentive if they complete both.
Let’s see, that $150 would get me half an ounce…
If you are interested in fleecing these poor credulous academics by participating in their sham “study,” or if you have questions about it, call Cynthia Shaw at (206) 616-3235 between 9 and 7 Monday-Thursday or 9-5 Friday, or email email@example.com.