|Photo: Voice of Detroit|
|Michigan Attorney General Bill Schuette hates medical marijuana, and he thinks you're faking to get it.|
Schuette is not a fan of the law, passed by an overwhelming 63 percent of Michigan voters in 2008. In the sort of political gymnastics also favored by Republican attorneys general in other states (examples: Rob McKenna of Washington state and Tom Horne of Arizona), Schuette claims to be a "states' rights conservative" -- unless the "state's right" we're talking about is a medical marijuana law.
In that case, the rules are different, and in Schuette's mind, it's open season on medical marijuana patients, because, in a brief he filed back in June in support of the City of Livonia -- which is trying to ban medical marijuana use and sales -- the attorney general claims the Michigan Medical Marihuana Act is preempted by federal law.
Oddly, Michigan law somehow trumps federal law with Schuette if it's affirmative action we're talking about. Apparently different rules apply when it comes to protecting the privileges of white people (after all, he is a Republican), as pointed out by Christine at Blogging for Michigan.
Schuette, of course, claims his proposed crackdown on, and evisceration of, Michigan's medical marijuana law is to target "criminals who take advantage of the law."
The attorney general announced his nefarious plans at an 11 a.m. news conference Wednesday in Lansing.
"The law has been hijacked by pot profiteers who threaten public safety on the roads and in our communities," Schuette said, giving a free, handy demonstration of "how to ignore a majority of the voters."
At the announcement to unveil the legislative proposals targeting patients, Schuette was joined by an assemblage of assholes including Senator Rick Jones (R-Grand Lodge), Representative John Walsh (R-Livonia), Dr. Steven E. Newman of the Michigan State Medical Society, Lt. Col. Gary Gorski of the Michigan State Police, Cass County Prosecutor Victor Fitz, Saginaw County Prosecutor Michael Thomas, Eaton County Sheriff Mike Raines, Clinton County Sheriff Wayne Kangas, and Berrien Springs Oronoko Township Police Chief Milton Agay.
Toke of the Town was unable to confirm a breaking rumor at press time that the group had decided to call itself the "Low-IQ All-Stars."
Schuette tried to paint marijuana as causing a vast number of highway traffic accidents in Michigan, citing some bogus statistics from (surprise!) the Michigan State Police (obviously protecting their job security, not the public) which supposedly show the "marijuana-related fatalities remain the most common drug-related automobile fatality, and that such fatalities are on the rise in Michigan."
"Driving with marijuana in your system is unsafe and jeopardizes the safety of our roadways," Schuette said. "If you take drugs, don't take the wheel."
Schuette also proposed "legislative reforms" (read: gutting the law) to give prosecutors and law enforcement "the tools they need to crack down on criminals who exploit the loopholes of the MMMA." (Translation: "Please make it easier for us to bust and harass legitimate patients and providers.")
The pot-crazed attorney general proposed the creation of new crimes to crack down on the medical marijuana certification system:
• Make it a felony for physicians to knowingly falsely certify a debilitating medical condition for patients seeking to use medical marijuana
• Make it a felony to knowingly submit false information on an application for a patient or caregiver card
• Make it a felony to knowingly alter a patient or caregiver card
• Make it a felony to knowingly possess another person's card or to transfer or allow a person to use another person's card
• Prohibit felons from being caregivers (currently only those convicted of drug-related felonies are prohibited); and
• Make it a misdemeanor for a patient or caregiver to fail to report a lost or stolen card within seven days.
In addition, Schuette proposed legislation to address what he claimed were "several loopholes" in the law, including measures to "strengthen the hand of law enforcement" (WTF?) "limit criminal access to medical marijuana," and empower local communities to regulate (translate: ban) medical marijuana facilities.
Schuette said he expects the bills to be introduced and considered by the Legislature this fall.