|UC-Boulder Chancellor Phil DiStefano’s ass hurts, even though he gets paid $389,000 a year for basically doing nothing except bitching about pot smokers
Chancellor DiStefano — who got a $49,000 raise, to $389,000 a year, after last year’s 9.3 percent tuition hike was placed on the backs of his students — thinks a little pot smoking on campus “taints the reputation” of his hallowed university, although it seems he’s already done a pretty good job of that, himself.
“It threatens the health and safety of our employees, imposes logistical challenges and expenses, and unfairly taints the reputation of CU-Boulder and the dedicated faculty, staff, students and alumni who are a part of this great institution,” DiStefano claimed. “It needs to end.”
Toke of the Town was unable to confirm at press time that DiStefano’s ass also hurts.
CU student leaders also announced that rapper Wyclef Jean will headline a free, students-only concert at CU’s Coors Events Center on the same afternoon, April 20.
“We are asking students to support us in the effort to protect the reputation of our institution — and do it by attending a great free concert,” said Carly “Goody Two-Shoes” Robinson, CU Student Government vice president for internal affairs.
Screw “protecting” CU-Boulder’s “reputation” — that horse already left the damned barn years ago. CU-Boulder’s a party school, and it always will be.
|Chi Psi Fraternity
|Brooks “Doesn’t Get Any” Kanski, student government vice president for external affairs: “4/20 damages the reputation of the university and of every student enrolled here”
But why, exactly, a nominally cool artist like Wyclef Jean would choose to sully his own reputation by getting involved with a bunch uptighty-whitey university administrators and Future Republicans is anybody’s guess.
“4/20 damages the reputation of the university and of every student enrolled here,” claimed CUSG Vice President for External Affairs Brooks “Doesn’t Get Any” Kanski. “Do any search online of CU-Boulder and what will invariably pop up is an image or video of 4/20.
“Questions about 4/20 plague CU graduates in job interviews,” Kanski claimed. “It’s time for all of this to end.” Hey Brooks, does that mean you’re going to stop fucking whining about it?
Marijuana smokers ticketed at the 4/20 event will face a $100 fine and revocation of medical marijuana registry card upon conviction. CU-Boulder students who receive tickets will face additional punishment from CU’s Office of Student Conduct, university officials said. Could this be that dreaded “black mark” on your “Permanent Record”? Remember, you’re supposed to be concerned about this bullshit.
School officials, in a lame press release
, “reminded” students that the federal Clery Act “requires that the university maintain a publicly accessible crime log.” What this means, CU-Boulder’s press release threatens, is this:
“Those ticketed or arrested for violating CU rules and state or local laws will have their names posted on the CU-Boulder police website’s daly crime log, which could affect their employment futures” (emphasis added).
CU police have in the past ticketed only a small number of people at the annual 4/20 gatherings. The event has in the past attracted as many as 10,000 pot smokers to campus.
Those attending should be aware that the Colorado State Patrol will conduct enhanced patrols on U.S. 36, Colorado 93, the Diagnonal Highway and other highways throughout the day, looking for drivers under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol.
Additionally, the Colorado Department of Revenue’s Medical Marijuana Enforcement Division will have a team of officers deployed on campus and throughout Boulder to “monitor medical marijuana centers” and “ensure compliance with licensing regulations.”
Sounds as if they’re attempting to cast suspicion on area dispensaries of selling to non-patients — and, of course, they’re almost certainly full of shit.