Browsing: Opinion

Dear Stoner: Will secondhand pot smoke get me high?
Rudy

Dear Rudy: Thanks to advice from Casanova (the eighteenth-century Italian adventurer/author/player), oysters are renowned as an aphrodisiac — a natural Viagra, if you will. But while oysters are high in zinc, which increases testosterone, and dopamine, which stimulates the brain, Casanova said he ate five dozen oysters per day. Are you going to eat that many oysters on a date to go full-chubs faster? If not, you probably won’t be game to inhale enough smoke to get a contact high, either.

Dear Stoner: I would like to get a test for my THC levels without risking my driving privilege. If the marijuana industry is so smart and innovative, why is nothing being offered to consumers?
Steve

Dear Steve: Didn’t know the marijuana industry was responsible for your self-control or driving habits. I probably wouldn’t blame Oskar Blues if I got a DUI; I haven’t needed a breathalyzer to figure out that I’ve had too many since…ever. Still, I can see how the lack of science and clarity behind marijuana impairment is frustrating for all parties involved. Sadly, there isn’t much of a solution on the horizon, because proving marijuana consumption and actual impairment aren’t one and the same — and science can currently only do the former.

Have you ever heard of a legendary strain on the street but never found it? Like that urban legend about catfish the size of a Volkswagen at the bottom of the lake, some tales are too good to be true. For me, L.A. Confidential was that car-sized catfish for the longest time — until I caught the sonofabitch on a college trip to San Diego. But now, thanks to legalization, you don’t have to travel that far to find this beast.

Some of you might know L.A. Confidential as an underrated neo-noir crime movie from the mid-’90s starring Kevin Spacey, but potheads, especially those on the West Coast, know it as a classic indica strain that is not to be taken lightly. As the name suggests, the strain was born in Southern California, gaining prominence in the early 2000s and winning third and second place in the 2004 and 2005High Times Cannabis Cups for best indica. Bred by DNA Genetics, L.A. Confidential is an artistic mixture of an Afghani phenotype and landrace indica, OG LA Affie. The combination creates beautiful, bright-green nugs with vibrant mauve streaks, like Palo Verde trees in a Mojave desert sunset, and the high is just as relaxing.

Even before Colorado allowed the first sale of recreational marijuana in January 2014, people had lots of questions about what was in store for the state. To answer those questions, we created our weekly Ask a Stoner column. But some queries demand more time and attention, including this one that we recently received from Michael B: “Could you explain the differences — and why I should care about them — between budder, crumble, shatter, CO2 oil, rosin, live resin, bubble hash and sift?”

This question pointed up one of the major developments on the recreational pot scene: There used to be just a few varieties of concentrates, and now there are many, many more. Most budtenders are good at explaining the differences between them, but the majority of us aren’t comfortable listening to fifteen minutes of pot talk while those waiting in line get more and more impatient. So for future reference, here’s a map around the concentrate world that you can study while you’re waiting at the pot shop.

Dear Stoner: I would like to get a test for my THC levels without risking my driving privilege. If the marijuana industry is so smart and innovative, why is nothing being offered to consumers?
Steve

Dear Steve: Didn’t know the marijuana industry was responsible for your self-control or driving habits. I probably wouldn’t blame Oskar Blues if I got a DUI; I haven’t needed a breathalyzer to figure out that I’ve had too many since…ever. Still, I can see how the lack of science and clarity behind marijuana impairment is frustrating for all parties involved. Sadly, there isn’t much of a solution on the horizon, because proving marijuana consumption and actual impairment aren’t one and the same — and science can currently only do the former.

Did you ever eat generic cereal out of a bag instead of the expensive stuff out of a box? They basically taste the same — but still, something’s not right. That’s because our snooty minds are triggering a knee-jerk reaction, making us think that brand names and pretty packaging matter. But do they? Is there really a difference between the fancy and the generic?

I used to view Jet Fuel in a generic-cereal kind of way — as a poor man’s Sour Diesel, thanks to growers trying to flood us with too much of a good thing. The strain’s Diesel genetics give it the same pungent, fuel-like smell, and its buzzing effects are similar to those of one of America’s favorite sativas — but every time I smoked it, I couldn’t help but note that Jet Fuel just wasn’t Sour Diesel. (Now you’re probably thinking the same thing your parents did when you were too good for the Fruit Spins bag with no toucan on it: What a prick. And you’re right.)

Dear Stoner: Why do you and all of the media refer to marijuana buds as “flower”? The flowers on the marijuana plant are produced by the male plant. The real magic happens when you successfully eliminate all of the males and their flowers and keep the females from getting pollinated.
Old-School Grower

Dear Old School: Some older growing guides refer to a male plant pollinating a female (resulting in a seed) as “flowering,” but that isn’t the case for the majority of cannabis literature nowadays. And while you’re defining a marijuana flower as when a seed is born, the true definition of a flower is “the seed-bearing part of a plant,” so that doesn’t mean an actual seed needs to spawn; it just has to be something that blooms, and that includes the buds we smoke. Also, most marijuana growing guides recognize the term “flower” in both female and male plants, with the female version turning into resin-coated calyxes and the male turning into a seed. That’s why so many grow guides refer to the last six to ten weeks of growing as the “flowering” stage. Some growers even refer to the stage as “blooming.”

Dear Stoner: I have bouts of nausea for days sometimes, and I’ve heard that pot tea can help. Do you know how to make it? I live in Colorado, so it’s legal here.
Blizz

Dear Blizz: You’ve heard correctly — pot tea can be a marvel for those suffering from nausea. But since water isn’t a strong enough solvent to boil for extraction, making a cup is not as simple as putting ground-up pot in a teabag with boiling water. If you’re good using milk or butter in hot drinks, you can make a chai tea or latte by whipping up your own infused butter or milk: Mix ground herb into a simmering pan of milk or butter and let it heat on low for a few hours, then strain out the pot and add the liquid to your hot beverage of choice.

Get back to the island with Maui Wowie.

In this age of instant development, Hawaii has a timeless quality. The culture, pride and desires of its people have kept the non-resort areas true to their roots, for the most part — which is probably why you’ll hear natives muttering things you hope you don’t understand as you pass by them on a local beach. (Did he just call me a “fucking haole”?) Still, it’s their island, and most of us are just visiting for our own selfish pleasure, so I’m cool with the overprotective measures. It’s all about preservation.

Dear Stoner: I have a drug test in a week and smoked weed ten days ago. I hadn’t smoked for a while before that. Will I be good? Should I be worried?
Prickly

Dear Prickly: It depends on what method the drug test uses to detect THC. If it’s a common urinalysis (piss test), you should be fine. According to the National Drug Court Institute, new or infrequent smokers are generally clean after four days, but that can change based on metabolism and smoking frequency. Still, you should chug water, pee a lot and sweat more until your test, just to be safe. But all you master cheefers out there thinking it’ll only take you a week to pass your piss test for a new job should think again: Everyday users usually have THC in their system for at least two months, but it can stick around for up to four months.

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