Intruders Bang Man’s Head With Bong, Steal His Marijuana


Alright, alright, we get it. Your head hurts. Shake it off already, and tell me if my Molino “Mad Scientist” bong is OK, man!


OMG, is the bong OK?!

Two masked intruders broke into a Colorado man’s home early Sunday, banged him over the head with a bong, and stole his medical marijuana, cash, and a backpack, according to police.

The 24-year-old assault victim suffered head injuries and was treated at Colorado Plains Medical Center, police Lt. Jared Crone told Dan Barker at The Fort Morgan Times.
The masked assailants came into the Fort Morgan home of Aaron Simons, 24, from the back of the house, and one of them struck Simons in the head with a glass bong before gathering the pot, the cash and the backpack and making a quick exit around 1:57 a.m. on Sunday.
The estimated value of the stolen goods is $1,865, according to police.
This is the first time a marijuana robbery has ever occurred in Fort Morgan, Colorado, according to Fort Morgan Police Department records.

“This was extremely rare,” Lt. Crone acknowledged.
It is uncertain whether the robbery was specifically targeting the marijuana, according to Lt. Crone.
Two male acquaintances of the victim, Jessie Thompson, 21, of Fort Morgan, and Rodrick Boltjes, 28, of Aurora, were also present in Simons’ home at the time of the robbery, police said.
The suspects reportedly used pepper spray or mace on one of the occupants of the house, according to Lt. Crone, reports Michael Roberts at Denver Westword.
The robbers’ faces were covered, so none of those in the house knew who the robbers were, or even whether they were male or female, according to Lt. Crone.
Editor’s note: All kidding aside, the literally-minded in particular should be aware that Toke of the Town wishes Mr. Simons a quick recovery from the physical and emotional consequences of this senseless assault.