Strawberry ice cream and milkshakes will never get the same love as their chocolate and vanilla counterparts. Is that fair? Not really. Almost anything is better than vanilla, the missionary position of ice cream. And while strawberry isn’t quite in chocolate’s reverse-cowgirl territory, it’s nearing the same ballpark. So stop treating frozen strawberry treats like an over-the-pants hand job, America. They deserve better.

I take solace in the fact that strawberry aromas and flavors are still sexy in the weed world, which has made Strawberry Cough a first-ballot dime piece. Strawberry Diesel, Strawberry Fields and Sequoia Strawberry all pack popular strawberry characteristics, too, with luscious, ripe notes that remind users of America’s fourth-most-popular fruit in 2018. The newest strawberry cannabis contender, Strawberry Milkshake, has received similar treatment from dispensaries, usually trending on the expensive end for flower.

I can’t be the only person who waited until June to start exercising again, but it certainly feels that way, watching all of you fit Colorado dickweeds jogging and biking everywhere as I Uber half a mile to Shake Shack. Metabolism just doesn’t have my back like it used to, and at this point in life, I deserve the love handles. Time to get off my ass and do some push-ups, right?

If only I had that sentiment before finding Sour Grapes.

Colorado’s cannabis and craft-beer industries are often compared, but while they might boast similar demographics, the two businesses are very different in several important ways. For instance, unlike Colorado liquor stores, which often are state-centric in their craft-beer selections, Colorado dispensaries sometimes seem to favor California genetics over strains that got their start locally. So it’s always nice to see a hometown strain, such as Bear Dance, get some commercial love in Denver.

A cross of Snowcap and Suge Pure Kush by Colorado breeder 303 Seeds, Bear Dance is usually considered a daytime strain or even a near-hybrid by dispensaries, but it’s almost always a sedative high for me. The strain’s fruity, cheesy notes are made for an after-dinner smoke, and the effects are sufficiently calming and euphoric to relax a tired, full body.

Just about every time I get cocky enough to assume I can guess a strain’s effects based on its name, I always get brought back down to earth — or shot out to space, depending on the strain. But a Diesel had never done me wrong…until I got seduced by a bouquet of lilacs.

Aromatically alluring and extremely dangerous, Lilac Diesel is a sedative cross of several strains, including Citral Glue, Forbidden Fruit, New York City Diesel, Cherry Pie and Super Lemon Haze. The combination results in an intoxicating odor that somehow showcases a slice of each parent strain. Sweet, tropical notes of berries and fruit as well as sour, rubbery hints of gas are blanketed by calming yet zesty floral notes of lavender — or lilac, if you really want to go there.