Strains that stand the test of time merit proper respect. Seeing a jar of Super Silver Haze gleaming on a dispensary shelf slapped that sentiment into my skull on a gloomy Monday afternoon, just when I needed something to brighten my day.

If you feel like Super Silver Haze has been around for a while, you’re right. The strain rose to popularity in the mid-’90s, reportedly bred by Green House Seeds, the Dutch breeding company also known for its Strain Hunters web series.

The Sopranos just celebrated its twentieth anniversary, and I’m re-watching it for the first time. On top of making me crave baked ziti and manicotti, the show has me laughing much more than it did the first time around. Maybe it’s just the binge factor, but now The Sopranos basically seems like The Simpsons with a Mob twist and good acting.

Suffice it to say that the Mafia was on my mind during a recent dispensary visit, so Tony Soprano’s balding head probably influenced my interest in Grease Ball, a sweet, pungent strain known for its calming effects and trichome production.

Banana flavoring has never been my favorite — we’ve been over this before: Banana-flavored treats aren’t worth the cellophane they’re wrapped in — but it does have its place in the cannabis world. The overripe-banana flavors in Banana Kush and Strawberry Banana pair exquisitely with the skunky, earthy notes of cannabis, and those strains deliver mellow highs that are perfect for relaxing after work. Unfortunately, it’s hard for Denverites to get past anything more than flirtation with banana-inspired strains, as those two are about the only ones you’ll find in the local dispensary market — but there is a third, albeit scarce, option: Banana OG.

I’ve fallen prey to Chemmy Jones not once, not twice, but three times now. I can’t help myself, and neither can my nose. Those gas fumes keep fooling me, like some sort of horticultural hormone.

Chemmy Jones actually hails from the United Kingdom, where Connoisseur Seeds created the buzzing hybrid. Some online descriptions call it a “functional” strain, but I strongly disagree.

Your boy got a big new TV for Christmas. She’s a real beaut, with all the apps. So many that I feel like a king, conquering the cable swine with my ability to use other people’s Dish and Xfinity accounts to watch cheesy action movie after cheesy action movie. Muscles, explosions and one-liners from Cruise, Stallone and Schwarzenegger. Give them to me. Now. With a blunt of Beijinho.

A Portuguese term for “baby kiss” or “little kiss,” the word “beijinho” is also associated with a Brazilian birthday candy made with coconut. I first found the strain on a hung-over Sunday morning, while wearing a sheen of self-regret and my clothes from the night before. A gentle kiss sounded like exactly what my lungs needed. Beijinho was sold to me as a 50/50 hybrid, bred from pure Afghani and Thai landraces for a simple yet effective high and delicious Durban-like flavor with a salty back end.

I can’t be the only person who instantly thinks of Family Matters the minute Purple Urkle makes an appearance on a dispensary shelf. In fact, I’m pretty sure I’m in the majority.

The history behind the fruity, tranquilizing indica’s name is cloudy. The prevailing theory is that Purple Urkle was named for the strain’s potent high, which often leads to bumping into walls, irritating behavior and falling and not being able to get up — all hallmarks of everyone’s favorite nerdy annoyance in the ’90s, Steve Urkel.