After two days of searching by numerous members of the task force — who got all Rambo’d up and no doubt looked positively dashing in their very best, tough looking Drug Warrior outfits — they turned up a grand total of zero marijuana plants.
According to a frustrated Lt. Joseph Vernon of the Lake County Sheriff’s Department, the “consensus” was that “the areas where plants may be located” were inaccessible due to floodwaters from recent heavy rain. Mm-hm, I’m sure that’s it, lieutenant.
“The water is so high it’s impossible to get to these areas,” said Vernon.
I don’t know, man. If the floodwater specifically blocked access just to pot fields — since the drug warriors seem to have been able to go everywhere else — maybe the water should be charged as a co-conspirator, don’t you think?
Vernon, probably terrified that the lucrative “marijuana eradication” grant wouldn’t be available next year due to complete mission failure, felt called upon to boast that he’d “been with the department since 1986” and said he had “seen times in his career” when they had to cut down “50,000 to 60,000 marijuana plants.”
Ah, glory days, right, Lt. Vernon? Good times. High plant counts. Big government grants. Job security…
Never mind that this year’s entire mission was a complete and foolish waste of scarce taxpayer dollars. Forget the fact that the team totally — how do you say? — oh, yeah, FAILED to accomplish anything at all.
Lt. Vernon, scrambling desperately for something, anything positive to say about the embarrassing situation, “commended” Lake County Sheriff Greg Story for his part in this sorry debacle.
According to Vernon, Sheriff Story works with various agencies on the local, state and federal level to rid the county not only of marijuana, but of drugs in general.
“He is committed to fighting this drug problem,” Vernon said. “This is just one of several operations he has put together.”
Oh yeah, Lt. Vernon? Were the rest of them as completely useless as this one?
Although no plants at all were found after the expenditure of tens of thousands of dollars and hundreds of man-hours, the task force claims its search wasn’t in vain.
According to the gung-ho marijuana eradication team, they spotted “several promising locations” they’ll be sure to “keep their eyes on” and “check for plants and growers in the future.”
“It was the first time in four years that the Lake County Sheriff’s Department had been included in the eradication team,” said Lake County Sheriff Greg Story, who was clearly thrilled to play with the big boys.