Granola Funk isn’t a jam band that opens for Phish or Umphrey’s McGee, but it might be in the same ballpark. The potent hybrid’s name could easily double as a new genre of yuppie psychedelic music taking over the Front Range, and its characteristics are full of relaxation and nostalgia: perfect for a mid-summer night at Red Rocks.
For most generations, Hercules (or Heracles, if you want to get technical) denotes strength and resiliency. But for mine, he was a cartoon taking orders from a minotaur voiced by Danny DeVito, or a loud kid who made childhood obesity funny in The Nutty Professor. Still, when I found a cannabis strain named after the Greek demigod, I couldn’t help but feel a bit intimidated.
Denver accounted for a major portion of the $1.5 billion worth of legal cannabis sold in Colorado in 2017. Over a third of the state’s total sales were made in the Mile High City, according to the Colorado Department of Revenue. The DOR breaks down revenue data monthly for each county; totaling the take from last year, Westword determined that dispensaries located in Denver County sold $577.5 million worth of cannabis and cannabis produces in 2017.
Trying a new strain without showing it the proper respect can end up messy, as I was reminded last week when I dove head-first into an intergalactic abyss not just once, but twice. I should’ve expected as much from a strain named Cosmic Railway, a sativa-leaning hybrid that left me feeling abducted and probed like a drunk Appalachian farmer that none of the townspeople will listen to.
Whether we’re trying to save money or just saving energy, plenty of us find ourselves spending a night in after a day off. But, hey, there’s nothing wrong with vegging out on Netflix and a frozen pizza every once in a while. So draw the blinds, lower the lights and clean out that bong, because we’re getting baked tonight on any one of these five mighty hybrids.
My mother would’ve quashed any hint of homophobia in our house, but thanks to Freddie Mercury, she didn’t have to. Queen songs such as “Fat Bottomed Girls,” “Bohemian Rhapsody” and “We Will Rock You” made Mercury one of my role models as a child, and learning that he died of AIDS days after I was born was like finding out that Santa Claus wasn’t real: I couldn’t fathom it. But that also made him even more supernatural in my eyes.
My allegiance to the mustache-mic god created a soft spot in my heart for Killer Queen, a sativa-leaning hybrid that shares the name of one of the band’s first big hits in America. Bred from Cinderella 99 and G13 genetics, the cannabis strain wasn’t the same immediate hit as the song, but Killer Queen has built up a formidable shelf-life since its debut.
Combatting the stoner stereotype is the rage these days, and I’m all for it. Having moms and working professionals come out of the closet, hitting vape pens and microdosing edibles to kick ass and relax without the Cheetos, is great for diversifying the consumer image. But sometimes I just want to get giggly-baked, eat chicken nuggets and laugh at poop jokes, and I’m not afraid to admit it.
They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery — but in 2018, imitation can also be simple mockery. Count a Denver dispensary chain’s decision to name a marijuana strain after United States Attorney General Jeff Sessions among the latter.
Inspired by the AG’s public remarks and his recent rescission of nine years’ worth of federal protective guidelines for marijuana businesses and users, Medicine Man’s Jeff Sesh-ons is a sativa-leaning hybrid of Jet Fuel and Bio Diesel. The combination of genetics from Colorado-based 303 Seeds would usually equate to another strain called Rocket Fuel, but the Medicine Man grow produced a phenotype with different characteristics, so the staff was mulling over what to name it.