Browsing: Growing

fruity pebbles ogHerbert Fuego

I recently heard Ving Rhames say in a radio interview that Quentin Tarantino “loves breakfast cereal.” Rather than go down the rabbit hole of wondering what fucked-up combination of booze and breakfast Tarantino has in the morning, I started craving some breakfast cereal of my own — and you would, too, after hearing Rhames’s gruff, sexy voice over-enunciate those two words.

I’m at a point in my life where cereal is more of a dessert than breakfast; I enjoy Apple Jacks and Cap’n Crunch as sugary delicacies rather than as “part of a well-balanced breakfast,” as their shady commercials suggest. I stay away from Fruity Pebbles, though, because I’ll eat the entire box in one day. Luckily for me, the weed named after Fruity Pebbles will knock me out before I can overindulge.

sour_amnesiaHerbert Fuego

If cannabis has all this medical value, why do strain breeders continue to label it with names that sound like a disease? I don’t know about you, but I’d never want to come down with a case of Sour Amnesia — which sounds a lot like what most grumpy old men go through on a daily basis. And after a few too many puffs of the sativa-dominant hybrid of the same name, I started to feel like confused old fart myself.

A cross of Amnesia and Sour Diesel, Sour Amnesia is a double shot of espresso that also makes you forget how to put on your pants. The two potent sativas create a delicious yet dangerous strain that will give you all the vigor and intelligence of a golden retriever, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing, if you know what you’re getting into.

pucker strainHerbert Fuego

When I moved back to Colorado five years ago, sour beers were just about to become something big. Only the brave breweries were making these brews, which had to spend upwards of a year aging in barrels or required volatile yeast strains that Americans weren’t used to. Today you can get kettle sours in six-packs at a corner liquor store. Nothing wrong with that, but the next big thing has lost its luster.

The same thing has happened to citrus strains. The wide-eyed looks and open mouths once evoked by California Orange or Lemon Kush have been replaced by ho-hum reactions; consumers are like a spoiled fat kid who “only” got one cookie. Tart, pinching scents of lemons and oranges are now commonplace, thanks to the vast inventories of commercialized cannabis. But when we fail to appreciate them, whose fault is it? Ours. Mine, specifically.

ak47 strainherbert fuego

Forgive me, fellow tokers, for thus far failing to review one of the cannabis world’s most lethal strains. Maybe I figured we’d already had it covered, maybe I was just too scared to actually check on that. But when AK-47 caught me in the crosshairs during an unplanned dispensary visit, I had no choice but to take the bullet.

Named after one of the most widely used killing machines on the planet, this strain is much more gentle than you’d imagine. The sativa-dominant hybrid came to fame in the early ’90s, winning cannabis cups and taking over the streets thanks to a potency that crossed the 15 percent THC mark, which was really powerful at the time.

home growFlickr/Mark Eggrole

Government reports recently revealed that over 665,000 pounds of legal marijuana were sold in Colorado last year, but that number hardly accounted for every sale in the state. Although market research shows that Colorado’s marijuana black market has become significantly smaller than the rest of the country’s since retail dispensaries showed up in 2014, it hasn’t evaporated altogether.

Various law enforcement agencies collaborated on a network of raids on illegal marijuana grows in at least five towns and two counties on August 9, as first reported by the Denver Post — and the marijuana seized from the raids could be small potatoes compared to what’s happening on public land in Colorado.

christopher wallaceHerbert Fuego

Any cannabis user can attest to the nostalgic feelings brought on by music and a joint. Before the chorus even hits, a certain artist or song can have you yearning for the golden years, whether they were before a breakup, when you were coming of age, or during any other formative time of your life. And, as with many other cannabis users, my early years of trying the plant coincided with experimenting with new forms of music.

My favorite flashbacks come on when a Notorious B.I.G. song starts playing; I can’t help but feel like a lost, irrationally confident teenager as his deep voice booms over the speakers. His violent tales of growing up in Brooklyn told of a world that was the opposite of the rural desert where I was raised. Songs like “Gimme the Loot” and “What’s Beef” thrilled my ignorant mind as I smoked blunts in garages, strengthening a subconscious bond in my head between Christopher Wallace and cannabis. Nearly a decade removed from those days, my Biggie flashbacks happen less often now, but I’m hoping that will change thanks to Trill Alternatives.

papaya strainThomas Mitchell | Toke of the Town

Being a cannabis critic is far from a stressful gig, but we could all use a little vacation sometimes. Unfortunately, the most my budget can afford is a free trip to the park, but there are other ways to escape. While I’ve never been a huge Corona guy, the brewery’s “Find Your Beach” campaign, in which opening a Corona takes you to an imaginary tropical paradise, isn’t a total crock: Enjoying certain flavors or aromas is a great way to forget where you are and instead imagine where you want to be.

Given the plant’s head-changing qualities, a cannabis strain with sensory characteristics that remind you of a vacation can be very effective at “taking you away” from a shitty job, dumpy apartment or sweltering back yard. A recent trip to the pot shop even helped me escape a bad case of the Mondays after Papaya, an indica-leaning hybrid, presented itself.

grapefruit strainHerbert Fuego

Tokes in the morning don’t work for everyone, but there’s nothing like a good wake-and-bake session for those of us who really enjoy it. If you can sidestep the risks of getting too high or an uncomfortable mixture of THC and coffee, starting the morning off with an adults-only bowl can make breakfast and Sunday chores that much better. Try scrubbing the bathroom floor after a bowl of Sour Diesel and you’ll know what I’m talking about.

I recently decided to begin one weekend morning with Grapefruit, a sativa named after those big false-oranges that old people eat with a spoon. Most childish tastebuds aren’t mature enough to appreciate the tart, bitter and acidic flavors of grapefruits. My tastebuds were no exception: Grapefruits and grapefruit juice were much too potent for me until I started drinking tequila and appreciating the fruit’s bitterness. Although similarly stiff on the senses, the Grapefruit strain is much easier for the uninitiated to appreciate.

ecto-coolerHerbert Fuego

It’s been fun to observe the efforts of prohibitionists as cannabis is more widely accepted publicly. One classic argument made against marijuana’s medical value is the “You can’t smoke medicine” motto, while another is a backlash against the names of strains. I understand reservations toward prescribing a sativa called “Pootie Tang” for eating disorders, but there’s no reason not to have a little fun sometimes.

My favorite strain names take me back to childhood or otherwise tap into nostalgia, like Bruce Banner, Duke Nukem and Smurfette, all of which are actual names of pot. So imagine my joy last year when I came across Ecto-Cooler, a strain named after the Ghostbusters-themed Hi-C drink in the ’90s made to turn from orange to green in honor of Slimer, the movie’s fat, lovable undead ball of ectoplasm.

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