Feds conduct stoned driving study


Alex E. Proimos/Flickr.

The United States government has been getting the average citizen all liquored up and stoned for the past year, and then putting them behind the wheel in the name of high science.
The National Institute on Drug Abuse, the federal agency that earlier this year, predicted legalized marijuana would come with severe consequences, recently set out to determine the effects of alcohol and marijuana on those motorists who engage in white knuckle, red-eyed behavior along the great American landscape.

Reports indicate that scientists lured a willing group of study participants back to the University of Iowa, where individuals were given various brain numbing combinations of booze, weed, and for those less fortunate, a placebo before being turned loose, like sailors with the bends, on the computer generated roadways of the National Advanced Driving Simulator (or “NADS” for short).
As you can imagine, researchers did not have any trouble finding recruits interested in earning a paycheck just to get sloppy drunk, high as hell and spend the rest of the day playing a video game where all you do is drive around and wreck shit. “They were happy to participate,” Marilyn Huestis, with the Intramural Research Program at the National Institute on Drug Abuse, told USA Today.

The study, which consisted of nearly 20 participants, ended earlier this year, and the first round of results are expected to be released sometime in October. However, while the research was supposedly conducted as a means for determining the true face of impaired drivers, there is speculation that any positive results are destined to end up on the propaganda floor.
As mentioned earlier, the National Institute on Drug Abuse, whose salary is paid for by the same government that has classified cannabis a Schedule I dangerous substance, does not exactly have the reputation for building a solid case for the use of marijuana, or even approving research that is not supervised under their watchful eye. It is for this reason we are suspicious of this study, and plan to take its results with a grain of salt.
Yet, there is no disputing that stoned driving is one of most confounded conundrums in American politics. “In this country, there’s a huge controversy over whether there should be zero tolerance or there should be some level that’s acceptable,” said Huestis. “It’s a terribly difficult problem.”
Ever since California had the balls to become the first state to legalize medical marijuana back in 1996, lawmakers have been losing sleep trying to scheme up an effective method for gauging stoned driving. Unlike those tactics police have used for years to combat the common drunkard, there is no Breathalyzer on the market to check if motorists are riding high. Stoned driving has become public enemy number one in legal marijuana states, even though law enforcement officials admit the marijuana industry has not caused an influx of high drivers.
“I have personally not seen more stoned drivers, not arrested more stoned drivers,” said Colorado State Trooper J.J. Wolff, who works as an impairment expert for the force. “From my point of view, that’s good.”
Federal officials claim they will use the latest study data to clearly define what it means to be stoned behind the wheel of a motor vehicle. Yet, we do not have high hopes this will go in our favor, folks. In most states, a person is considered legally drunk after consuming one beer. We cannot imagine the powers that be will allow us any more tolerance in regards to the reefer.
Mike Adams writes for stoners and smut enthusiasts in High Times, Playboy’s The Smoking Jacket and Hustler Magazine. You can follow him on Twitter @adamssoup and on Facebook/mikeadams73.