|Maciej A. Czyzewski/Commons.|
The Russian police would probably prefer to keep the buzz surrounding their latest sting operation from being exploited around the world for the sake of cheap entertainment, but let’s face it, the Cold War is over and those bastards are just as much fair game as any other dimwitted law enforcement agency out there getting their narco-hinnies kicked by the occupational hazards of a drug war.
Earlier this week, the Ruski fuzz discovered an illegal cannabis farm located several hundred miles northwest of Moscow near the city Kostroma. However, while officers did not immediately notice anything out of the ordinary about this particular grow operation, those who attempted to investigate the field quickly learned that there are beasts more dangerous than rabid dogs and hungry alligators a gangster can use to protect his stash: several hives full of angry bees is apparently just as effective.
It did not take long once officers began cutting down the cannabis plants for the pissed off bees to emerge from their hives and launch a full-blown sting attack in order to protect the crop. Reports indicate that a number of officers were repeatedly stung about the face and neck before being forced to hightail it from the scene for fear of being snuffed out by an allergic reaction.
“As part of an operation, the police arrived at the scene to see whether rumors that a large amount of cannabis was growing were true,” Officer Valery Vekhov told the RT. “When we got to where the cannabis was growing, there were a number of beehives. When we tried to remove the cannabis plants, the bees started to attack us aggressively. We had to leave in order to get protective gear from the owner.”
When police finally located the owner of the 500 cannabis plants, the man pulled the old “it’s not mine” routine and insisted he was not the dope-slinging kingpin they were looking for. During questioning, he told police that although he had noticed the weed growing on his land, he had not had any time to destroy it because he was too busy taking care of his bees.
Several police officers were treated for bee stings, one of which was a female officer who was nearly turned into the reincarnation of the Elephant Man after one of those pesky varmints attempted to grudge hump the side of her face.
As for the owner of the property, police say if they can prove he is responsible for the illegal cultivation of marijuana, he could spend the next eight years clinching his butt-cheeks together in a Russian prison.
Toke of the Town attempted to reach the suspected marijuana grower by phone, but found it difficult to get an accurate quote because budgetary restraints do not provide us the luxury of a Russian translator. However, for a couple of joints and a ten spot, our janitor let us borrow a bootleg copy of Rosetta Stone, which we then used to determine that our Russian friend had this to say, “Hey, man…It’s none of your beeswax.”
Mike Adams writes for stoners and smut enthusiasts in High Times, Playboy’s The Smoking Jacket and Hustler Magazine. You can follow him on Twitter @adamssoup and on Facebook/mikeadams73.