Ever since the legitimized cannabis commerce became a reality in the United States, pot peddlers and other weed-slinging warriors in the medicinal and recreational sector have been challenged to track down lenders that do not have gnawing fear of being gang raped in a federal penitentiary to help finance their ventures. This is because traditional banking institutions have flat-out-refused to walk that fine line where the possibility exists that Uncle Sam could show up at their front door, label them money launderers, and then cart the president of the bank off to the nearest tattoo parlor to have a set of giant set of tits branded across his shoulders.
It is for this reason that unconventional lending services have become increasingly more attractive for ganjapreneurs scouring the planet for someone willing to give them a small business loan. And while the majority of these lenders typically market themselves as stiff collared elitists with a nubby chubby for dicey business deals, the newest lender to emerge on the scene pulls no punches regarding its intentions – it aims to profit by lending money to sleazy bastards all across the nation.
A company that calls itself Sexy Business Funding announced last week that it has a substantial stash of cash tucked away just waiting to write small loans for marijuana dispensaries, strip clubs, head shops, and more seedy capitalistic endeavors that neighborhood banks simply refuse to associate with. “Sexy Business Funding recognizes adult businesses as legitimate, law-abiding companies that deserve the same borrowing opportunities as any other business from any other industry,” according to a company press release.
Now, while some may scoff at the idea of securing a loan by an institution branded by images of strippers, large sums of cash, and enough dope to choke the Pope, the company’s website reveals that they have written a total of $43 million in loans to 1,420 businesses, which could mean they are better at lending money than they are at naming a company.
All of the loans, however, are written under a lending practice called merchant cash advance, which has interest rates comparable to loan sharks – sometimes as high as 100 percent. But for the desperate business owner who is already in the witness protection program for putting the screws to ball-busting street creditors named Vinnie and Paulie, then perhaps being juiced like a dead fish is of no concern.
Financial experts say that as the marijuana industry becomes more lucrative across the country, they are seeing an influx of alternative lending options becoming available. Yet, while there are many financial institutions prepared to provide legitimate business loans to companies in need, the market itself is full of non-discriminating sharks swimming in murky waters…so proceed with caution.
Interestingly, the Sexy Business Funding website and its promotional video was not in service at the time this article was written. Perhaps writing $43 million worth of loans is not nearly as important to the longevity of a new financial institution as collecting $86 million in debt.
Mike Adams writes for stoners and smut enthusiasts in High Times, Playboy’s The Smoking Jacket and Hustler Magazine. You can follow him on Twitter @adamssoup and on Facebook/mikeadams73.