Bananas are the Jan Brady (or Meg Griffin, for you millennials) of fruit. Most of us couldn’t even spell the word if it weren’t for that annoying Gwen Stefani song. Possessors of easily my least favorite fruit flavor, bananas are only edible in cake form because of the accompanying cream-cheese frosting and are largely eaten because we’re too lazy to wash an apple or cut a kiwi. Banana-flavored Runts? I send ’em back. Banana Laffy Taffy? Go fuck yourself. But if you have Banana Kush, pull up a chair. Let’s talk.
Author Toke of the Town
It’s early evening in a parking lot outside a DoubleTree in northeast Denver. At the north end of the lot is a 1987 Winnebago with seven people inside, gathered around a table covered with cannabis products: a concentrate pen, a dab rig, some bud flower and edibles. Once most of the group has gotten loaded, the seven are going to spend the rest of the night at the hotel, with a bunch of cops.
They’re all volunteers in a “green lab,” part of a training program that Understanding Legal Marijuana LLC puts on for law enforcement officials covering all things related to the cannabis industry, including products, culture and how to look for impairment during a roadside sobriety test. This session is also an opportunity for cops to talk openly with cannabis users in an atmosphere far less stressful than a traffic stop.
Dear Stoner: Someone recently told me that I have too many plants in my basement grow. I live with two other adults in Five Points and have twelve plants locked up downstairs. I’m good, right?
Dear Cheese: Colorado law allows adults 21 and over to grow up to six plants in their homes, and if you have two or more adults in the house, then you can grow twelve if the plants are for more than one of the residents. Denver still abides by that rule, but not all towns do. Your friend might live in a nearby town, like Centennial or Aurora, that has different rules and limits on residential growing. Although cultivating cannabis in your own home is allowed in the state constitution, the amendment that legalized it also gave municipalities the right to change those rules, just as they have the right to ban dispensaries. Your friend might also be under the impression that all twelve are for you, which is technically illegal. But as long as one of your roommates will lay claim to half of the crop, then you’re in the clear. Just make sure that any inquiring police officer is aware of that, too.
Your dog is anxious, or so itchy that he won’t stop scratching himself until he’s raw — or maybe his joints ache to the point where he can barely move.
What will President-elect Donald Trump do about the 28 states that have legalized medical marijuana — and the eight, including Colorado, that have also approved recreational sales? Plenty of people have been asking that since the election, and last week, regulatory attorney Tom Downeyoffered his opinion on these “interesting times for the marijuana industry.” Responds Jann:
Well, that was an interesting start to November. While the country argued with itself and my Facebook feed became full of hot takes, misinformation and vitriol (don’t blame the media when you’re so good at getting it wrong all by yourself), I was ready to roast a bone and wait for it all to blow over. A heavy hybrid was in need to put my mind and body at ease, so I went on the hunt for one of my favorites from the Bay Area, Bubbleberry.
The City of Aurora will award just one more license for a retail marijuana store — the last of 24 — and applicants have only until November 30 to make a bid. The city plans to award the final license no later than February 1.
The new store will be located in Council Ward IV, an area of southeast Aurora extending from about Quincy Avenue to County Line Road east of E-470. Aurora permits a maximum of four retail marijuana stores in each of its six wards; though the city accepted applications for the Council Ward VI stores in 2014, it received only three complete applications. All three applicants were successful — which leaves one license still up for grabs.
Marijuana may be the main attraction for many in the cannabis world, but Colorado also leads the way in hemp cultivation. In fact, as of this week, there are approximately 400 active industrial hemp businesses registered with the state’s Department of Agriculture. Still, misconceptions around the differences (or lack thereof) between hemp and marijuana run rampant, so let’s clear the confusion.
While Mom is in the kitchen obsessing over her cranberry sauce and Grandpa is watching football on the couch, we’ll be upstairs taking a quick hit from one of our favorite strains. Whether you’re in the mood for the sour flavor of Super Lemon Haze or stanky smell of Girl Scout Cookies, head to your local dispensary and pick up something to help ease you through the family obligations this holiday season.
While you’re at it, be sure to check out Herbert Fuego’s advice on how to stay high on the sly while you’re at family dinner.
As the smell implies, smoking Super Lemon Haze is like inhaling a handful of Lemonheads. The delicious sour flavor is complemented by a subtle but spicy and earthy back end, making it a great appetizer before dinner.
Quick and effective, Super Lemon Haze brings an instantly uplifting high that can last for hours. Smoke it with caution your first time, though, because some users report a lack of focus or heightened paranoia. Still, the majority enjoy a euphoric buzz and an easy state of mind, good for harmless laughs or a mindless walk around the neighborhood.
Dear Stoner: I really want to get high before Thanksgiving dinner, but it’ll be with some family from around the country, and a lot of them aren’t cool with weed. Any advice?
Dear Chief: I faced the same dilemma in my college years, but I was lucky enough to have Thanksgiving without a Catholic grandmother or baby-faced niece staring at me from across the table, so my parents always got over it. I smoked out of one-hitters and apples and blew in toilet-paper rolls covered in dryer sheets to hide the smell back then, but you can be much more inconspicuous now.