Author Toke of the Town

4960665058_eede6718a9_zMark

Colorado residents are likely to see tighter restrictions on marijuana home grows in 2017. Not only is Denver working on a plan to limit unlicensed recreational and medical grows in private residences, but Governor John Hickenlooper is working on a statewide proposal to battle what he sees as an abuse of Colorado’s constitutional growing allowances.

Under Amendment 20, which legalized medical marijuana in Colorado in 2000, medical users can grow up to 99 plants in their private residences, while 2012’s Amendment 64 allows recreational users to combine their allotted six plants into co-ops, effectively creating large-scale growing operations in which the plants aren’t taxed or tracked by the state.

img_2933Herbert Fuego

Remember the stoner kid in Dazed and Confused who swears that George Washington’s old lady, Martha, lit up a fat bowl for Georgie at the end of the day? Probably bullshit, but whatever: Washington definitely grew hemp before it was banned more than a century later. He had a lot of stress with that whole revolution thing, and it’s fun to imagine Washington, Franklin, Jefferson and other banknote heads passing around a joint while talking about their brave new world. Although colonial dirt weed certainly wasn’t as potent as the modern Presidential Kush, I can’t help but feel a little more stately when I get an eighth of this sticky hybrid and blaze one for the nation.

 

27612459142_286cb81fa2_oLesley L.

The Colorado Department of Agriculture has not only created the first hemp-seed certification program in the country, but it just certified its first three seed varieties. Passing state-regulated THC and observation trials, these industrial hemp seeds are now eligible to be grown by the Colorado Seed Growers Association for production as a “CDA Approved Certified Seed.”

“This moves hemp toward mainstream agriculture and the same practices of other crops,” says Duane Sinning, assistant director of the CDA’s division of plant industry.

trainwreckHerbert Fuego

Some of my introductions to strains have been more memorable than others, but no other strain has had an impact on my life quite like Purple Trainwreck. It was 2008, and I was just starting to experiment with cannabis in high school — so of course I was hanging out with some dirtbags, and this kid named Harvey suddenly came across five pounds of some really stinky purple stuff, Purple Trainwreck. I had so many questions: Where’d he get it? Why was it so wet? Why did it smell so sweet? But after he gave me a quarter-ounce for $10, I just happily nodded and asked none of them.

Turns out it was wet because Harvey had stolen the flower right after harvest from his mom’s boyfriend, who was growing it for the Hells Angels. Harvey and his mom disappeared shortly after that, and the few of us who knew about that at school were too spooked to even talk about Harvey. I was so paranoid about my uncured contraband that I didn’t tell a soul I had it — but that didn’t stop me from smoking it. A week in a Mason jar turned the wet buds into dense, sugar-coated pebbles, all of which had fierce streaks of purple and gave off a wonderful smell of pine and grapes. My parents must’ve noticed the stench — or the stoned glaze on my face for the following week — because shortly after that, they surprised me with an intervention about the dangers of weed and what it could do to my unpromising high-school basketball career.

ask_a_stonerWestword

Dear Stoner: I hear there are certain strains that help with arousal. Is that true?
Ricky Rick

Dear Rick: Hey, if you think there’s a certain strain that helps you keep it up or keep it going, then buy up as much as you can. It’s probably the placebo effect, but whatever works.… Unfortunately, there’s no study linking marijuana consumption with increased blood flow to your johnson or boosts in sexual hormones like estrogen, progesterone and testosterone. In fact, anecdotal evidence on marijuana arousal is about 50/50, with some people reporting an increased sex drive and others saying just the opposite. For many users, it depends on the strain and their personal reaction to it.

img_2888Herbert Fuego

Bananas are the Jan Brady (or Meg Griffin, for you millennials) of fruit. Most of us couldn’t even spell the word if it weren’t for that annoying Gwen Stefani song. Possessors of easily my least favorite fruit flavor, bananas are only edible in cake form because of the accompanying cream-cheese frosting and are largely eaten because we’re too lazy to wash an apple or cut a kiwi. Banana-flavored Runts? I send ’em back. Banana Laffy Taffy? Go fuck yourself. But if you have Banana Kush, pull up a chair. Let’s talk.

feature-openerWestword Photo Illustration

It’s early evening in a parking lot outside a DoubleTree in northeast Denver. At the north end of the lot is a 1987 Winnebago with seven people inside, gathered around a table covered with cannabis products: a concentrate pen, a dab rig, some bud flower and edibles. Once most of the group has gotten loaded, the seven are going to spend the rest of the night at the hotel, with a bunch of cops.

They’re all volunteers in a “green lab,” part of a training program that Understanding Legal Marijuana LLC puts on for law enforcement officials covering all things related to the cannabis industry, including products, culture and how to look for impairment during a roadside sobriety test. This session is also an opportunity for cops to talk openly with cannabis users in an atmosphere far less stressful than a traffic stop.

ask_a_stonerWestword

Dear Stoner: Someone recently told me that I have too many plants in my basement grow. I live with two other adults in Five Points and have twelve plants locked up downstairs. I’m good, right?
The Cheese

Dear Cheese: Colorado law allows adults 21 and over to grow up to six plants in their homes, and if you have two or more adults in the house, then you can grow twelve if the plants are for more than one of the residents. Denver still abides by that rule, but not all towns do. Your friend might live in a nearby town, like Centennial or Aurora, that has different rules and limits on residential growing. Although cultivating cannabis in your own home is allowed in the state constitution, the amendment that legalized it also gave municipalities the right to change those rules, just as they have the right to ban dispensaries. Your friend might also be under the impression that all twelve are for you, which is technically illegal. But as long as one of your roommates will lay claim to half of the crop, then you’re in the clear. Just make sure that any inquiring police officer is aware of that, too.

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