I like to consider myself a manly man in most regards — I drink my coffee black, like my beers strong and consider V-necks a stain upon society. But when it comes to marijuana, I’m pretty much a yoga-pants-wearing wimp holding a pumpkin-spice latte: I like my strains sweet, sugary and rich. Seeing a jar labeled “Alien Rock Candy,” “Birthday Cake Kush” or “Vanilla Kush” makes my mouth water as if my mother had just taken a pie out of the oven.

Kandy Kush gets me off like that, too. The sour strain can taste like a box of Lemonheads — but despite its young and innocent name, it can knock out seasoned tokers after a rip or two. Kandy Kush’s parents aren’t quite as sweet, but they’re pretty sexy in their own right: OG Kush and Trainwreck birthed this indica-dominant hybrid (there are some sativa-leaning cuts, but they’re rare), giving Kandy Kush one imposing pedigree.

I remember my first experience with Gorilla Glue. I was twelve, and it was in Ms. Toth’s science class. No, I wasn’t some middle-school loser lighting up in class; I was the middle-school loser gluing his rookie teacher’s mug to her desk. Strong stuff, that Gorilla Glue. It lasted longer than Ms. Toth did.

A strain that took its name from the famous adhesive should have the same brute power, and Gorilla Glue (the strain) definitely does. Its family lineage is basically a soda-fountain suicide concoction: a Chemdawg phenotype, Sour Dubb and Chocolate Diesel came together for a three-way that birthed some of the best trichome-producing buds on the planet.

Dear Stoner: I see these scam ads on Craigslist that rip off folks just looking for a little relief. It used to be just regular face-to-face local delivery, but now it’s a constant scam pretending that they’ll ship products out of state. Does any police department ever track down these scammers?
Got the T-Shirt

Dear T-Shirt: There are simply too many scams on Craigslist for local law enforcement to go after everyone, especially if those scammers aren’t on a computer anywhere near Colorado. People get duped by deals on fake used cars, rental-home deposits, entertainment tickets and damn near every other product that can be bought, sold or traded secondhand — and marijuana is no different.

“Tastes so good, makes a grown man cry. Sweet. Cherry. Pie.”

Those hair-metal lyrics (by the band Warrant) compare a diner dessert to a woman’s genitalia — but I can’t refrain from singing the line whenever I come across a certain strain. However, I didn’t take the time to explain this to the budtender, who gave me a very judgmental look when I began belting out “Sweet Cherry Lime!” in my best Jani Lane voice when I spotted Cherry Lime Haze in a pot shop early one morning last week. What can I say? That strain just perks me up.

Dear Stoner: I’m in the midst of a devastating family situation and am so blindsided by grief and stress that I need something to calm me down and help me fall asleep. I don’t wish to smoke, but am open to other suggestions.
Elizabeth

Dear Elizabeth: If this situation is temporary, using cannabis to help you calm down and sleep is a great idea — but don’t form a dependency. Marijuana isn’t an addictive substance like cocaine or opiates, but the more you can avoid using it regularly for stress relief, the better. That said, sometimes exercise, hobbies and self-reflection aren’t enough, and when you’re wide awake at night trying to hold back tears, something as simple as a pot cookie can help you fall asleep, regroup and move forward.

Dear Stoner: I’ve tried sativas and indicas, and they’re all fine and dandy, but I’m looking for something more in the middle. What are some good hybrids that are actually hybrids?
Happy Jack

Dear Jack: All hybrids are actually hybrids. In fact, nearly all of the strains you’ll find nowadays are hybrids, but it’s easier for people to label something that’s 80 to 90 percent indica as “indica” instead of “indica-dominant hybrid” and then have to explain what that means. But I’m guessing you mean something like a 50/50 hybrid, many of which you’ve probably seen or tried around town.

Dear Stoner: Why does smoking weed make you hungry? Like, does science know why?
Stewie

Dear Stewie: The munchies are real, man. Although no one could definitively point to a brain reaction and say “There it is” for a long time, by 2015 marijuana’s ability to increase appetite was already widely accepted enough for it to be used as medicine for eating disorders in over twenty states. Science finally gave the munchies its stamp of approval last year, when a study from Yale University discovered that marijuana tricks the brain by increasing the production of cannabinoids and lipids that stimulate our appetite, whether we’re full of food or not.

When you’re a solid six out of ten in the looks department, you have to break outside the box to get a pretty, popular girl’s attention. I’ve tried acting like the funny guy or Mr. Sensitive, to little avail. And, of course, I’ve played the “Everyone thinks you’re hot but I don’t” card, which just led to another losing hand.

I used the same tactic when the Girl Scout Cookies strain was so hot. In 2011, everyone wanted to smoke anything with the word “cookie” in it, and I was getting sick of the fad; it was like the planking (remember that?) of the weed world. But then I actually smoked some.