Anti-Pot Zealots Take Wild-Eyed Stand In Santa Barbara


Photo: The Santa Barbara Independent
Santa Barbara County Sheriff Bill Brown shows special housing he has prepared for medical marijuana patients

‚ÄčA rabidly anti-marijuana coalition made up of various groups in Santa Barbara, California, including one charming bunch called “Don’t Cannabis Our Community,” are “demanding a ban on marijuana dispensaries” in the city. There is still no word on when the same confederacy of wingnuts plans to take a brave stand against Vicodin, Valium or Viagra.

The misguided butt-inskys plan to gather at Santa Barbara City Hall Tuesday before the Concil meeting on a revised medical cannabis dispensary ordinance, and publicly call for a complete ban on the medicine.
The mission statement for the coalition quickly removes any doubt that this is a group of people seriously disconnected from reality.
“We, the citizens of Santa Barbara demand protection for all of our citizens, schools, and recovery centers from the harm of marijuana sold from storefronts, and we demand immediate enforcement of all pot shops operating without permit,” the statement, undoubtedly damp with indignant spittle, reads.
“Our permitted dispensaries are breaking the law and we demand the city close them immediately,” the statement says.
The usual robotically anti-pot dunderheads were quick to join the low-IQ chorus.

“Voters passed the Compassionate Use Act fort the seriously ill, not for drug dealers to sell marijuana from storefronts for profit,” said Santa Barbara County Sheriff Bill Brown, neglecting to mention exactly where these “seriously ill” patients are supposed to safely obtain medicine if a bunch of right-wing morons bans dispensaries.
“The reality is that’s exactly what’s happening at these so-called dispensaries,” the frustrated sheriff sputtered.
“Dispensaries are not collectives,” the sheriff added, displaying a surprising affinity for socialistic ideals.
“Marijuana dispensaries create many problems while benefiting few citizens,” said the dimwitted sheriff, who evidently doesn’t known anyone with cancer, HIV, or multiple sclerosis. “They are a magnet for crime and criminals, who know that they contain large quantities of unregulated drugs and unreported cash.”
“Marijuana dispensaries have appeared throughout Santa Barbara County — in incorporated and unincorporated areas alike,” said the wily sheriff, displaying a keen grasp of the obvious. “In reality they have proven to be money-making opportunities for drug traffickers who are anything but seriously ill,” he said, apparently somehow believing that pharmacists who sell medicine to cancer patients should be suffering from cancer themselves.
“Our department has seen a 300 percent increase in the amount of illegally grown marijuana in the county in just this past year,” said the sheriff, who amazingly seemed too dim-witted to realize this is a result of the same marijuana prohibition he is advocating.
“These grows are often guarded by armed criminals,” said the sheriff, apparently not referring to his deputies. “As such, they are a danger to innocent people such as ranch owners, hikers, hunters, and other outdoor enthusiasts, and even those who are enlisted to tend the fields.”
“Dispensaries are public nuisances operating under the guise of legitimacy,” the sheriff said, apparently unaware that the same description would aptly apply to him. “It’s time for all Santa Barbara County residents to take a stand against marijuana dispensaries.”
Commissioner Sheila Lodge, apparently launching a bid to become the dumbest elected official in California (certainly a stiff competition), couldn’t resist displaying her ignorance before the admiring throng.
“I don’t see the need for a dispensary,” said the hard-hearted and thick-headed Lodge. “I don’t see them as being non-profits,” she said, showing her hostility to good American capitalism.
“There’s got to be a reason all these people are going into it,” Lodge mused. “I’d prefer not to see these at all.” Well, Sheila, we’d prefer not to see ignorant politicians make asses of themselves in public, but damned if it didn’t just happen again.
The coalition calling for a medical marijuana ban always appears at Santa Barbara City Council meetings wearing red, allegedly to show their support for “drug-free youth.” Could this wearing of the traditional color of Communism be yet another expression of their deep hostility to good old American free enterprise? Brothers and sisters, you make the call.
The revised ordinance being so fervently opposed by the wacko coalition calls for five dispensaries in seven zones of Santa Barbara. It allows for sales of marijuana and cannabis edibles.