Herbert Fuego

A couple of friends and I recently lugged about fifty beers three miles up a mountain for a camping trip, then argued over who was carrying all those cans back down. My buddy’s girlfriend, meanwhile, brought two liters of pinot noir in a bag and didn’t have to worry about shit. Not only did it make me realize how dumb my drinking habits are, but it also reminded me how much I miss that purple stuff. Not purple drank (R.I.P., Pimp C), but purple weed — and I wasn’t particular about what kind during a dispensary run on a hot July afternoon.

My visit turned up several popular choices in Blackberry Kush, Northern Lights and Purple OG Kush, but I decided to try something new in Purple Punch. Or new to me, at least. Purple Punch began making a name for itself in dispensaries in 2017, with fat, supple buds that win in the looks department and trichome production. A mix of Grand Daddy Purple and Larry OG, Purple Punch’s potential to create amazing hash has made the sedative strain a hit among regular users and medical patients, while its dense, violet buds draw in excited newbs like flies to a bug zapper — and then fries them just the same.

Herbert Fuego

When you’re an adult, there’s really no upside to being sick. You either don’t get paid when you miss work, or you get paid but still have to do all the work you missed when you return. But at least being sick is a rare excuse to use nighttime cough syrup, which knocks me out as hard as cannabis ever has without completely zapping my dreams.

Research has shown a link between regular cannabis use and decreased REM sleep, or the stage of sleep when your body relaxes enough to let your mind dream. Still wanting to keep up my REM activity without totally ending the cannabis use, I hoped a strain by the name of Sueño (the Spanish word for “dream”) would bring me some good juju.

Herbert Fuego

I must be getting old. My foot hurts for no reason, shows on Nickelodeon don’t make sense anymore, and new weed strains are just as annoying as they are intriguing. Don’t get me wrong, it’s still fun to try out the latest varieties and expand my tastebuds. However, there are a lot of new strains out there that make me regret straying from the tried and true. With Cookies and Gorilla Glue dominating dispensary shelves, sometimes I wonder how different these “new” cuts really are.

That was my thought when I saw Space Monkey, which has showed up at Colorado dispensaries within the last year or so.

Herbert Fuego

Strawberry ice cream and milkshakes will never get the same love as their chocolate and vanilla counterparts. Is that fair? Not really. Almost anything is better than vanilla, the missionary position of ice cream. And while strawberry isn’t quite in chocolate’s reverse-cowgirl territory, it’s nearing the same ballpark. So stop treating frozen strawberry treats like an over-the-pants hand job, America. They deserve better.

I take solace in the fact that strawberry aromas and flavors are still sexy in the weed world, which has made Strawberry Cough a first-ballot dime piece. Strawberry Diesel, Strawberry Fields and Sequoia Strawberry all pack popular strawberry characteristics, too, with luscious, ripe notes that remind users of America’s fourth-most-popular fruit in 2018. The newest strawberry cannabis contender, Strawberry Milkshake, has received similar treatment from dispensaries, usually trending on the expensive end for flower.

Herbert Fuego

I can’t be the only person who waited until June to start exercising again, but it certainly feels that way, watching all of you fit Colorado dickweeds jogging and biking everywhere as I Uber half a mile to Shake Shack. Metabolism just doesn’t have my back like it used to, and at this point in life, I deserve the love handles. Time to get off my ass and do some push-ups, right?

If only I had that sentiment before finding Sour Grapes.