Herbert Fuego

Dairy and I don’t get along these days. Your boy can no longer have a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch before bed without later getting up at least twice, stricken by the dysentery. (If you’re thinking about suggesting almond and soy milk, or whatever, just stop.) It took me some time — and more than a few sleepless nights — to realize the connection between milk and an upset stomach, and then I dropped dairy altogether…but not before significantly altering my sleeping schedule.

Evening naps and wide-awake nights had me yawning just as the sun was starting to come up again. I needed something that would help me fall asleep at 10 p.m. and stay asleep, and a jar labeled “Pillow Factory” looked like it might contain just the remedy.

Herbert Fuego

Spotting a hybrid with genetics worth getting excited about is becoming less common every year. That strain is either some new Cookies hybrid or another spin on OG Kush, and I’ve already had my fill of both. But coming across Bubble Jack, an obvious cross of classic Bubblegum and Jack Herer, finally gave me something to believe in again. With the anniversary of the Emperor of Hemp’s death less than a month away, I figured it was a fitting time to give ol’ Jackie Bubbles a try.

Herbert Fuego

There’s no shortage of strain names that can lead to awkward moments with a budtender. Asking someone to show you a jar of Moby Dick or Matanuska Thunder Fuck is always a fun experience, but nothing tops calling a dispensary to ask if it has any Pootie Tang left — unless the budtender asks you to repeat the question, which actually happened to me at Herbs 4 You earlier this week. “I asked if you had any Pootie Tang left,” is something I’d rather not repeat.

Even after comedy hipsters and lovers of early-aughts blaxploitation parodies like Undercover Brother (which I sorta like) made Pootie Tang the movie into something of a cult classic, I never came around. The fame that Louis C.K. and J.B. Smoove later found in life likely has more to do with why people pretend to like Pootie Tang nowadays, but naming an award-winning weed strain after the film probably didn’t hurt brand awareness, either.

Herbert Fuego

Here’s a surprise: I was planning to do a review of a certain strain right before St. Patrick’s Day 2018, but my stoner scheduling habits got in the way. Fortunately, there were plenty of other varieties of cannabis to keep me occupied until March rolled around this year, when I finally got another chance to try out Lucky Charms.

This potent hybrid is better known for its sugar-like trichome coating than being magically delicious, but it’s become a popular strain nonetheless, routinely stocked at over ten metro dispensaries at any given time. 

Herbert Fuego

If you didn’t like Scooby-Doo when you were growing up, you’re probably not a dog person now. And I don’t trust people who don’t like dogs. Ergo, if you didn’t watch the show, you’re not allowed in my house. Not that I ask people before they visit or anything; that’d be weird. But if I find out? Peace.

Maybe it was my forever love for Scoob and the gang, or all the Shaggy memes flooding the Internet in January (Google it), but I just couldn’t resist a strain called Scooby Snacks — even after I found out that it was a child of Girl Scout Cookies, which I made a New Year’s resolution to avoid. The problem is, Cookies strains are damn near unavoidable these days. So much so, in fact, that all three commercial types of Scooby Snacks (or Scooby Snax, depending on the store) carry some kind of Cookies genetics

Herbert Fuego

Anyone who’s spent more than two beers with me has surely heard me call someone a nickname with the word “dog” in it — or, more accurately, dawg. Kramer from Seinfeld? Krame Dawg (though I prefer Krame Dawwwwwgggg). Nikola Jokic and Mason Plumlee? Yolk Dawg and Plumdawg Millionaire, respectively. And how many times does our cannabis editor, Thomas Mitchell, have to tell you to call him T-Dawg?

Based on name alone, I’ve always been a fan of the Chemdog (yes, that’s the correct spelling) family, but there’s also a lot of weight behind its reputation. Those gassy, pungent smells and mind-bending effects keep it fixed in Colorado’s commercial rotation, birthing such strains as 303 OG, Sour Diesel and — one of my favorites — Star Dawg, a powerful, euphoric hybrid with Chemdog 4 (a Chemdog phenotype) genetics that were crossed with Tres Dawg, an indica with strong Chemdog influences. Tokers who appreciate classic earthy flavors with a skunky, chemical-like twist will love it.

Herbert Fuego

I’m not sure whether it’s the cold nights or caring too much about who did what on True Detective, but I’ve been sleeping like shit lately, waking up in positions that make my neck and shoulder feel like a couple of tenderized pork loins. Dealing with the soreness has slightly affected my patience and attitude (maybe more than slightly if you ask the fuckboy who tried cutting me off at East 17th Avenue and Colorado Boulevard last week). In any case, the muscle aches had to be mitigated, and I knew just the strain to do it: Cataract Kush.

Herbert Fuego

Strains that stand the test of time merit proper respect. Seeing a jar of Super Silver Haze gleaming on a dispensary shelf slapped that sentiment into my skull on a gloomy Monday afternoon, just when I needed something to brighten my day.

If you feel like Super Silver Haze has been around for a while, you’re right. The strain rose to popularity in the mid-’90s, reportedly bred by Green House Seeds, the Dutch breeding company also known for its Strain Hunters web series.

Herbert Fuego

The Sopranos just celebrated its twentieth anniversary, and I’m re-watching it for the first time. On top of making me crave baked ziti and manicotti, the show has me laughing much more than it did the first time around. Maybe it’s just the binge factor, but now The Sopranos basically seems like The Simpsons with a Mob twist and good acting.

Suffice it to say that the Mafia was on my mind during a recent dispensary visit, so Tony Soprano’s balding head probably influenced my interest in Grease Ball, a sweet, pungent strain known for its calming effects and trichome production.