I know old-timers will cringe when reading this, but I was introduced to Pineapple Express as a movie, not a strain (that’s how young I am). Not one to buy into commercial hype, I stayed away from the strain in my early years of toking, always thinking it was a ploy to sell some less-than-stellar herb. But nearly nine years after the stoner-action flick came out, I thought it was safe to give it a try.

The amount of Pineapple Express on the market has definitely died down since the movie’s release, so I feel more comfortable about its authenticity today. The strain carries an impressive lineage of Hawaiian and Trainwreck strains deserving of recognition, with or without Seth Rogen. Its heavy, dense buds may make users think it’s an indica, but its classic genetics and racy high are anything but. As the name implies, hints of pineapple are present in the strain’s smell and flavor, but bad growing practices and poor curing methods can rob it of both. Still, the strain’s resilient nature against pests and temperature fluctuation makes it a popular clone choice for home-growers, and its high THC content can make it as rewarding as it is easy in the grow.

Dear Stoner: I’m confused about the plant count for cannabis home grows in Denver. Are they different from the State of Colorado’s limits?
Pat S.

Dear Pat: Many towns and municipalities throughout Colorado, including Denver, have plant limits that differ from the state’s. For a definitive answer on Denver, I reached out to Dan Rowland, citywide communications advisor for Denver’s Office of Marijuana Policy, who says this: “The answer is yes, they are different and can vary from city to city. In Denver, adults may grow up to six plants, but it is illegal for there to be more than twelve plants in any residence, regardless of how many people live there and regardless of their medical patient/caregiver status and/or individual plant-count allowances. For growing in non-residential-zone lots (and not in licensed cultivation businesses), adults may grow up to six plants, but it’s illegal to have more than 36 plants per zone lot, regardless of how many people are growing there.”

Attaching the word “grape” to a strain is a bold move. Not only does it typecast the strain’s effects as heavy and tiring, but it also creates stiff expectations for smell, looks and flavor. If the strain doesn’t smell like grapes, taste like Fanta and have deep streaks of purple, then it’s basically Crystal Pepsi to most consumers. (Grape Stomper is the only “white” grape strain with moderate popularity.)

Given its lineage of BC God Bud and Grapefruit, it would be easy to assume that Grape God Bud’s name was just a lazy combination of its parents’ — but that seems foolish after you look at its mauve buds and taste its sickly sweet flavors. BC God Bud is known for its deep-purple hue and stout buds, and it’s easy to see those genetics in Grape God. Grapefruit takes over in the smell and flavor departments, imparting its trademark citrus and saccharine notes to God Bud’s earthy, hashy characteristics to create a sweet grape flavor.

Dear Stoner: I always feel so bad for dogs when people blow smoke in their faces. I can tell they don’t like it. Are they getting high, or is it just irritating them?
Money Monet

Dear Monet: Both — but if I had to pick one, I’d say the dog is mainly irritated. Although some low-dose, CBD-only products have helped older dogs with joint problems, THC ingestion is largely problematic for canines. Most research done about dogs ingesting marijuana has focused on them accidentally eating it — but blowing secondhand smoke in the face of man’s best friend is a definite dick move.

Being late to the party sucks. I just saw Anderson .Paak absolutely kill it at Red Rocks and wanted to smack myself for not listening to him sooner, as so many friends told me to do. Fortunately, I can catch up on all his music now — and with any luck, I can catch up on smoking SAGE while I’m listening to it.

I’d seen SAGE dozens of times in grows and dispensaries, but always thought of the peppery spice associated with the herb (not that kind of herb), which isn’t a cannabis flavor I enjoy. A hybrid — but more like a collision — of landrace indica Afghani and Haze, a classic sativa (there are some varieties of SAGE with Afghani and Big Sir Holy genetics), SAGE actually stands for Sativa Afghani Genetic Equilibrium. The spacey name is derived from the funky head high the two powerful but essentially opposite strains produce.

Dear Stoner: What is the number of plants one can cultivate with a medical marijuana card? I’ve heard you can have up to 75 if you’re a caregiver, but I’ve also heard Colorado will be setting a state maximum of twelve.
Pete

Dear Pete: Current medical marijuana caregivers can actually have up to 99 plants for a maximum of five patients, thanks to a bill passed in 2015 — but the clamps have been tightening ever since. Caregivers with extended plant counts of more than 36 plants in their homes must now register with the state, and Governor John Hickenlooper has been vocal about further cutting those counts in 2017 because of concerns about the black market.

The rumblings you’ve been hearing about a twelve-plant maximum are true: The state has been pushing to limit a patient’s plant count to twelve in private homes this year, as well as to adopt a more detailed patient registration system and ban recreational co-ops. If you don’t think twelve is enough, try to get an extended plant count while you still can; they’re not dead yet.

Superheroes are all the rage these days. But before Hollywood started cashing in on characters that most of us never knew existed, the weed world was already starting the party, with strains like Kryptonite, Harlequin and Thor’s Hammer. Yet the most popular superhero strain is actually named after a skinny alter ego: Bruce Banner.

Like the Incredible Hulk he morphs into when angry, Bruce Banner’s namesake strain comes in multiple forms and can obliterate a man’s face with one punch. There are three different phenotypes of the sativa, with Bruce Banner #3 being the most popular. All three were bred with OG Kush and Strawberry Diesel, but #3 was the charm, with a pudgy bud structure and a high THC percentage. It has tested above 28 percent THC but carries an easy high suitable for most situations — if you don’t hit the joint one too many times.

Dear Stoner: Is there such a thing as organic marijuana? I recently bought a pre-roll, and on the label were things like ammonium nitrate, isopropyl alcohol, nitric acid and indole-3- butyric acid, just to name a few.
Mike B.

Dear Mike: Those sound like growing nutrients (although the isopropyl alcohol might’ve been for hash, if you bought a caviar joint), which are standard for the cannabis industry. You’re not alone in wanting a product without a bunch of crap you’ve never heard of in it, but certification for organic cannabis is one of many logjams waiting on federal legalization. The U.S. Department of Agriculture regulates organic standards, so even though dispensaries may claim to have organic products, there’s no regulatory body to officially designate them in “green” states.

Marijuana and hip-hop have a long and harmonious relationship, so much so that the names of most hybrid strains sound like rap-song titles. If I told you I was listening to “Girl Scout Cookies” by OG Kush featuring Durban Poison or “The Truth” by SFV OG featuring Chemdawg, you’d probably think nothing of it; it would be weirder if bands weren’t named after stinky weeds. So when I heard about White 99 — from The White and Cinderella 99 — it was like hearing that Andre 3000, Devin the Dude and Snoop Dogg were collaborating again. Who doesn’t want more of that?

Not to be confused with White Widow (another resinous strain), The White is a legendary but oft-overlooked indica-leaning hybrid with a mysterious, unknown origin. Although the strain isn’t sought for its smell or taste, its potency and trichome production are topped by few. Cinderella 99 — a child of Jack Herer — is known for a burst of sweet citrus and pine flavors, but its potency is nothing to scoff at, either, with a THC content regularly testing above 20 percent. Combining the two brings a mind-fucking high that will disable users for hours.

Dear Stoner: Dispensaries have been slow for the past week because of some hack in their sale systems. Like, all of them. Why are they so unorganized?
Malcolm

Dear Malcolm: An industry representative recently told me that at least three-quarters of Denver dispensaries use pot-tech company MJ Freeway as a point-of-sale system. If it gets hacked, as it reportedly was two weeks ago, budtenders and managers are forced to document sales on paper, which makes transactions take longer and lines move more slowly.